After today, I'll be on summer vacation for the month of April. Boo-yah!
H and I caught "Big Fat Liar" on Cinemax last night. Now, we'd been seeing trailers of this on one of G's VCDs (I forget which one), so I've been wanting to see what happens in the movie.
It was hilarious. Paul Giamatti was funny as the evil producer Marty Wolf, and his reactions as Jason Shepherd, Frankie Muniz' character took his revenge were wonderfully timed. Amanda Bynes, who played Jason's friend, Kaylee, also had some choice scenes, but there were times that she grated on the nerves.
I'm looking forward to the summer vaction, and the rest it promises.
Thursday, March 31, 2005
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
Too Much Time
You Are A:
Lawful Good Human Fighter
Alignment: Lawful Good characters are the epitome of all that is just and good. They believe in order and governments that work for the benefit of all, and generally do not mind doing direct work to further their beliefs.
Race:Humans are the 'average' race. They have the shortest life spans, and because of this, they tend to avoid the racial prejudices that other races are known for. They are also very curious and tend to live 'for the moment'.
Primary Class:Fighters are the warriors. They use weapons to accomplish their goals. This isn't to say that they aren't intelligent, but that they do, in fact, believe that violence is frequently the answer.
Secondary Class:
Detailed Results:
Alignment:
Law and Chaos:
Law ----- XXXXX (5)
Neutral - XXX (3)
Chaos --- (0)
Good and Evil:
Good ---- XXXX (4)
Neutral - (0)
Evil ---- (-1)
Race:
Human ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (15)
Half-Elf - XXXXXX (6)
Elf ------ XXXXXXXXXX (10)
Gnome ---- XXXX (4)
Halfling - XXXXXXXXXXXXXX (14)
Dwarf ---- XXXXXXXXXXX (11)
Half-Orc - XXXX (4)
Class:
Fighter -- XXXXXXXXXXXXXX (14)
Barbarian -XXXXXXXXXXXXX (13)
Ranger --- XXXXXX (6)
Monk ----- (0)
Paladin -- XX (2)
Cleric --- XXXXXXX (7)
Mage ----- (-3)
Druid ---- XXXXXX (6)
Thief ---- XXXX (4)
Bard ----- XXXXXXXX (8)
Bored? Take the test here.
Lawful Good Human Fighter
Alignment: Lawful Good characters are the epitome of all that is just and good. They believe in order and governments that work for the benefit of all, and generally do not mind doing direct work to further their beliefs.
Race:Humans are the 'average' race. They have the shortest life spans, and because of this, they tend to avoid the racial prejudices that other races are known for. They are also very curious and tend to live 'for the moment'.
Primary Class:Fighters are the warriors. They use weapons to accomplish their goals. This isn't to say that they aren't intelligent, but that they do, in fact, believe that violence is frequently the answer.
Secondary Class:
Detailed Results:
Alignment:
Law and Chaos:
Law ----- XXXXX (5)
Neutral - XXX (3)
Chaos --- (0)
Good and Evil:
Good ---- XXXX (4)
Neutral - (0)
Evil ---- (-1)
Race:
Human ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (15)
Half-Elf - XXXXXX (6)
Elf ------ XXXXXXXXXX (10)
Gnome ---- XXXX (4)
Halfling - XXXXXXXXXXXXXX (14)
Dwarf ---- XXXXXXXXXXX (11)
Half-Orc - XXXX (4)
Class:
Fighter -- XXXXXXXXXXXXXX (14)
Barbarian -XXXXXXXXXXXXX (13)
Ranger --- XXXXXX (6)
Monk ----- (0)
Paladin -- XX (2)
Cleric --- XXXXXXX (7)
Mage ----- (-3)
Druid ---- XXXXXX (6)
Thief ---- XXXX (4)
Bard ----- XXXXXXXX (8)
Bored? Take the test here.
Monday, March 28, 2005
Terri Schiavo
For the past few days, I, and I guess a lot of other people, have been following the case of Terri Schiavo, and, up to now, there are things about the case that I don't understand.
1. Why the judge allowed the removal of the feeding tube on the husband's claim that his wife didn't want to be kept alive, when there appears to be nothing written anywhere to support such a claim. All the court has is the husband's say-so.
2. If the parents were willing to take care of their daughter, couldn't the husband let them by relinquishing guardianship or something?
3. It doesn't seem conclusive that nothing can be done for Terri Schiavo, so how are we to know that she is suffering right now or not?
I am disturbed by what appears to be court-assisted murder. To clarify, though, I do not oppose a person's decision not to be supported by artificial means, but it would be nice to have some proof of such a desire. I think I would make the decision not to be kept alive artificially.
But I have no way of knowing if that was Terri's wish as well.
1. Why the judge allowed the removal of the feeding tube on the husband's claim that his wife didn't want to be kept alive, when there appears to be nothing written anywhere to support such a claim. All the court has is the husband's say-so.
2. If the parents were willing to take care of their daughter, couldn't the husband let them by relinquishing guardianship or something?
3. It doesn't seem conclusive that nothing can be done for Terri Schiavo, so how are we to know that she is suffering right now or not?
I am disturbed by what appears to be court-assisted murder. To clarify, though, I do not oppose a person's decision not to be supported by artificial means, but it would be nice to have some proof of such a desire. I think I would make the decision not to be kept alive artificially.
But I have no way of knowing if that was Terri's wish as well.
Way Too Much Time
Your Character’s Alignment
Based on your answers to the quiz, your character’s most likely alignment is Neutral Good.
Neutral Good
A neutral good character does the best that a good person can do. He is devoted to helping others. He works with kings and magistrates but does not feel beholden to them. The common phrase for neutral good is "true good." Neutral good is the best alignment you can be because it means doing what is good without bias toward or against order.
--excerpted from the Player’s Handbook, Chapter 6
Take the test here.
Based on your answers to the quiz, your character’s most likely alignment is Neutral Good.
Neutral Good
A neutral good character does the best that a good person can do. He is devoted to helping others. He works with kings and magistrates but does not feel beholden to them. The common phrase for neutral good is "true good." Neutral good is the best alignment you can be because it means doing what is good without bias toward or against order.
--excerpted from the Player’s Handbook, Chapter 6
Take the test here.
Sunday, March 27, 2005
'Miss Congeniality 2'
H and I caught 'Miss Congeniality 2' at Megamall before the long Holy Week weekend break.
I liked the movie, but then again, I 've always had a soft spot for Sandra Bullock, ever since 'While You Were Sleeping.' While the movie's formula was similar to the first movie, wherein Bullock commits a blunder, and then has to redeem herself, and does, in a spectacular way. It doesn't matter to me, though; I liked the sequel, and found it rather funny.
I liked the actor who played Joel the image consultant; he was pretty funny.
Trailers:
1. 'Batman Begins' - I can't wait for this one.
2. 'Fantastic Four' - I'm not sure about this movie; Marvel has had a bit of a hit-and-miss with their comics-to-film presentation. But I'll probably watch this.
3. 'Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy' - I really liked the books, and I hope that the movie does justice to the series.
I liked the movie, but then again, I 've always had a soft spot for Sandra Bullock, ever since 'While You Were Sleeping.' While the movie's formula was similar to the first movie, wherein Bullock commits a blunder, and then has to redeem herself, and does, in a spectacular way. It doesn't matter to me, though; I liked the sequel, and found it rather funny.
I liked the actor who played Joel the image consultant; he was pretty funny.
Trailers:
1. 'Batman Begins' - I can't wait for this one.
2. 'Fantastic Four' - I'm not sure about this movie; Marvel has had a bit of a hit-and-miss with their comics-to-film presentation. But I'll probably watch this.
3. 'Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy' - I really liked the books, and I hope that the movie does justice to the series.
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
'Robots'
H and I watched 'Robots' last night, and it was a fun movie. The visual effect were astounding, if a little confusing, but everything fit in perfectly. The story was your basic underdog against the evil villain, but, since it's a children's movie, I'll overlook the story and focus on the positives.
Random notes:
- Robin Williams was at his comedic best as usual, playing the maniacal Fender. Greg Kinnear was hilarious as the neurotic villain, Ratchet.
- I don't think I'd survive Robot City's mode of transportation, but I guess carnival ride people would enjoy it.
- The fight of Rodney's WonderBot versus Madame Gasket evoked memories of Yoda's lightsaber battle with Count Dooku.
An extra was that they showed the full trailer for 'Revenge of the Sith,' and the movie itself looks promising, perhaps even better than Episodes 1 and 2 (although this isn't saying that much). There seems to be more action and drama in this episode, which completes George Lucas' 6-part saga begun in 1977.
Other trailers that they showed:
1. "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" - directed by Tim Burton and starring Johnny Depp, this promises to be a darker version of the 1971 classic.
2. "The Pink Panther" - I have high hopes for this remake, although I really loved Peter Sellers as Clouseau. Steve Martin may equal him, but I'm not sure. Kevin Klein, though, as Chief Inspector Dreyfus, will probably shine.
3. "Ice Age 2" - this was just a short blurb starring Scrat and his beloved acorn. The movie is slated for next year, so this trailer might be a tad too early.
Random notes:
- Robin Williams was at his comedic best as usual, playing the maniacal Fender. Greg Kinnear was hilarious as the neurotic villain, Ratchet.
- I don't think I'd survive Robot City's mode of transportation, but I guess carnival ride people would enjoy it.
- The fight of Rodney's WonderBot versus Madame Gasket evoked memories of Yoda's lightsaber battle with Count Dooku.
An extra was that they showed the full trailer for 'Revenge of the Sith,' and the movie itself looks promising, perhaps even better than Episodes 1 and 2 (although this isn't saying that much). There seems to be more action and drama in this episode, which completes George Lucas' 6-part saga begun in 1977.
Other trailers that they showed:
1. "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" - directed by Tim Burton and starring Johnny Depp, this promises to be a darker version of the 1971 classic.
2. "The Pink Panther" - I have high hopes for this remake, although I really loved Peter Sellers as Clouseau. Steve Martin may equal him, but I'm not sure. Kevin Klein, though, as Chief Inspector Dreyfus, will probably shine.
3. "Ice Age 2" - this was just a short blurb starring Scrat and his beloved acorn. The movie is slated for next year, so this trailer might be a tad too early.
Thursday, March 17, 2005
Corregidor
When H's aunt and uncle came in from the US last week, it seemed like a good idea. Uncle P is a reitred Marine officer, and while he didn't see action in WWII (although he was in Italy during the post-war occupation), the island fortress where American and Filipino soldiers held out against Japanese troops seemed like an ideal place to visit. So, early Saturday morning, we set out for Corregidor.
We weren't disappointed. It was a wonderful experience.
We took the guided tour around the island, and saw the mortar and gun emplacements, and where the Japanese bombs hit Corregidor. All the while, the tour guide (who, I'm sorry to say, sounded a little robotic) gave us details and vignettes about the various areas. We were able to go into the ammo rooms and bunkers that soldiers used during WWII.
I particularly liked the War Memorial Museum, which had an impressive array of mementoes and historical facts. There were medals and insignias of military units, uniforms and pictures of some of the men who gave their lives to help keep the Philippines free.
There was also the Light and Sound Show in Malinta Tunnel, a huge complex which was used as headquarters and hospital by both Allied and Japanese troops. The show simulated what life was like in the tunnel during the war, and one cannot come out of the experience without being moved by the valor and bravery the men on both sides of the conflict displayed.
I am thankful that I had the opportunity to visit Corregidor, being an observer of history, to learn more about our country's heritage, and to be reminded of the sacrifice that men of an earlier age had done in order that our country would be free.
We weren't disappointed. It was a wonderful experience.
We took the guided tour around the island, and saw the mortar and gun emplacements, and where the Japanese bombs hit Corregidor. All the while, the tour guide (who, I'm sorry to say, sounded a little robotic) gave us details and vignettes about the various areas. We were able to go into the ammo rooms and bunkers that soldiers used during WWII.
I particularly liked the War Memorial Museum, which had an impressive array of mementoes and historical facts. There were medals and insignias of military units, uniforms and pictures of some of the men who gave their lives to help keep the Philippines free.
There was also the Light and Sound Show in Malinta Tunnel, a huge complex which was used as headquarters and hospital by both Allied and Japanese troops. The show simulated what life was like in the tunnel during the war, and one cannot come out of the experience without being moved by the valor and bravery the men on both sides of the conflict displayed.
I am thankful that I had the opportunity to visit Corregidor, being an observer of history, to learn more about our country's heritage, and to be reminded of the sacrifice that men of an earlier age had done in order that our country would be free.
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
Updates
With the school year coming to an end, it's been pretty hectic, but things are winding down, so I'll probably have some time to write.
Some topics that I've been mulling:
1. Last Saturday, I went with H and relatives from the US to Corregidor. More on that later. I've been trying to put my thoughts into words, but have failed thus far.
2. Rant on the pink fences that are sprouting all across MM, and the MMDA way of screwing up the city. (Curse you, BF!)
3. My sensei's birthday last Sunday and imminent retirement.
Some topics that I've been mulling:
1. Last Saturday, I went with H and relatives from the US to Corregidor. More on that later. I've been trying to put my thoughts into words, but have failed thus far.
2. Rant on the pink fences that are sprouting all across MM, and the MMDA way of screwing up the city. (Curse you, BF!)
3. My sensei's birthday last Sunday and imminent retirement.
'Hitch'
Not a bad romantic comedy. Will Smith and Kevin James ('The King of Queens') deliver funny performances, and while it got mushy as it approached the ending, I liked it.
I especially liked James' dance, and Will Smith's reaction.
I especially liked James' dance, and Will Smith's reaction.
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
Tests Upon Tests
If it weren't for friends like T, I'd never have found these tests online. Like this one.
My Results:
Linguistic thinkers:
Tend to think in words, and like to use language to express complex ideas.
Are sensitive to the sounds and rhythms of words as well as their meanings.
Other Linguistic Thinkers include: William Shakespeare, Sylvia Plath, Anne FrankCareers which suit
Careers which suit Linguistic thinkers include:
Journalist, Librarian, Salesperson, Proof-reader, Translator, Poet, Lyricist
Interpersonal thinkers:
Like to think about other people, and try to understand them
Recognise differences between individuals and appreciate that different people have different perspectives
Make an effort to cultivate effective relationships with family, friends and colleagues
Other Interpersonal thinkers include:
Winston Churchill, Mother Teresa, William Shakespeare
Careers which suit Interpersonal thinkers include:
Politician, Psychologist, Nurse, Counsellor, Teacher
Musical thinkers:
Tend to think in sounds, and may also think in rhythms and melodies
Are sensitive to the sounds and rhythms of words as well as their meanings.
Feel a strong connection between music and emotions
Other Musical Thinkers include:
Mozart, John Lennon, Jimi Hendrix
Careers which suit Musical Thinkers include:
Musician, Music teacher, Sound engineer, Recording technician
My Results:
Linguistic thinkers:
Tend to think in words, and like to use language to express complex ideas.
Are sensitive to the sounds and rhythms of words as well as their meanings.
Other Linguistic Thinkers include: William Shakespeare, Sylvia Plath, Anne FrankCareers which suit
Careers which suit Linguistic thinkers include:
Journalist, Librarian, Salesperson, Proof-reader, Translator, Poet, Lyricist
Interpersonal thinkers:
Like to think about other people, and try to understand them
Recognise differences between individuals and appreciate that different people have different perspectives
Make an effort to cultivate effective relationships with family, friends and colleagues
Other Interpersonal thinkers include:
Winston Churchill, Mother Teresa, William Shakespeare
Careers which suit Interpersonal thinkers include:
Politician, Psychologist, Nurse, Counsellor, Teacher
Musical thinkers:
Tend to think in sounds, and may also think in rhythms and melodies
Are sensitive to the sounds and rhythms of words as well as their meanings.
Feel a strong connection between music and emotions
Other Musical Thinkers include:
Mozart, John Lennon, Jimi Hendrix
Careers which suit Musical Thinkers include:
Musician, Music teacher, Sound engineer, Recording technician
What Am I Like?
Your answers suggest you are a Supervisor
The four aspects that make up this personality type are:
Summary of Supervisors
Bring order to their home and work life
Like to act on clear, achievable goals
Think of themselves as stable, practical and sociable
May be irritated when people don't follow procedures
Supervisors like to make plans, organise people and get things done efficiently. They are natural administrators who dislike chaos and strive to bring order to every aspect of their lives. Supervisors like jobs where the goals are clearly defined and there are proven work methods in place.
Supervisors are most likely to say they prefer a job which involves a series of separate projects, according to a UK survey.
Supervisors use logic to solve problems and believe in being open and direct in their communications with others. They prefer to work and socialise with like-minded people.
In situations where they can't use their talents or are unappreciated, Supervisors may reject the opinions of others and insist they are right. Under extreme stress, Supervisors may feel cut off from the people around them and lose confidence in their own ability to cope.
Because they like to take charge and organise activities, others may find Supervisors too bossy.
Take this test here.
The four aspects that make up this personality type are:
Summary of Supervisors
Bring order to their home and work life
Like to act on clear, achievable goals
Think of themselves as stable, practical and sociable
May be irritated when people don't follow procedures
Supervisors like to make plans, organise people and get things done efficiently. They are natural administrators who dislike chaos and strive to bring order to every aspect of their lives. Supervisors like jobs where the goals are clearly defined and there are proven work methods in place.
Supervisors are most likely to say they prefer a job which involves a series of separate projects, according to a UK survey.
Supervisors use logic to solve problems and believe in being open and direct in their communications with others. They prefer to work and socialise with like-minded people.
In situations where they can't use their talents or are unappreciated, Supervisors may reject the opinions of others and insist they are right. Under extreme stress, Supervisors may feel cut off from the people around them and lose confidence in their own ability to cope.
Because they like to take charge and organise activities, others may find Supervisors too bossy.
Take this test here.
Decided to Post Declaration
After some thought, I decided to post the text from J's blog below.
Declaration of Revocation (by John Cleese)
To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories.
Except Utah, which she does not fancy.
Your new Prime Minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a Minister for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.
A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium." Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour'; skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters.
You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise."
You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to re-spell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation.
Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary." Using the same thirty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "uhh", "like", and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
Look up "interspersed.
"There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary, then you won't have to use bad language as often.
2. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."
3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier).
You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents --- Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles.
While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon." If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.
4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters.
British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.
5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.
6. You should stop playing American "football." There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game.
The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.
Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies).
We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2005.
You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders," which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.
7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day."
9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap, and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.
All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call 'French fries' are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat.
Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.
11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.
12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling "beer" is not actually beer at all, it is lager . From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth bereferred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine." This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in the Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.
13. From November 10th the UK will harmonise petrol (or "gasoline," as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon -- get used to it).
14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.
15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
16. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).
Thank you for your co-operation.
Declaration of Revocation (by John Cleese)
To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories.
Except Utah, which she does not fancy.
Your new Prime Minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a Minister for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.
A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium." Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour'; skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters.
You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise."
You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to re-spell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation.
Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary." Using the same thirty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "uhh", "like", and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
Look up "interspersed.
"There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary, then you won't have to use bad language as often.
2. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."
3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier).
You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents --- Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles.
While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon." If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.
4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters.
British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.
5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.
6. You should stop playing American "football." There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game.
The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.
Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies).
We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2005.
You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders," which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.
7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day."
9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap, and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.
All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call 'French fries' are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat.
Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.
11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.
12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling "beer" is not actually beer at all, it is lager . From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth bereferred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine." This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in the Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.
13. From November 10th the UK will harmonise petrol (or "gasoline," as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon -- get used to it).
14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.
15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
16. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).
Thank you for your co-operation.
Monday, March 14, 2005
Hmmm...
Take the quiz at dicepool.com
You are a four-sided die, a d4. Otherwise known as a tetrahedron, a "Caltrop", or (to a lesser degree) "Ol' Pointy". This crap bores you, so I'll get to the point. Others tend to see you as petty, conniving, manipulative, argumentative, defensive, greedy, and needlessly antagonistic. You see yourself as focused, effective, efficient, influencing, shrewd, tactical, and direct. Both points of view are in fact correct. You always know the best way to get things done, a fact that never wins sympathy with others. Whenever you manage to gain control of a situation, your solutions are swift and brutal. Unfortunately everyone else is convinced that granting you such power is, "a bad thing" and often conspire to keep it out of your hands. Such short-sighted fools!
T's J also had this on his blog. I couldn't stop laughing. Except for the baseball part, the swine.
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
Home Stretch
Another school year's rapidly coming to a close, and I can't wait for the summer to come; I'm in real need of a rest.
My moderating class ended the year by going out on an overnight trip to Angeles, Pampanga, courtesy of the class president. I, along with three of my co-teachers, joined them, in a final get-together before the school year ends. It would be an ending of sorts, because the first year regular classes are broken up and new sections reformed for the next school year.
Vignettes from the outing:
- We had a bit of traveling to do, because there was apparently a mix-up regarding the accomodations, but we decided to go to the club house of a subdivision my class president's family owns. We spent the afternoon and evening swimming, playing basketball, football and billiards.
- While we were swimming, some of the boys got hold of a football (American) and began to play a rough version of American football in the pool. After a little while, a big black dog (think Sirius Black) came along and became enamored of the ball, and kept on chasing it as the ball was tossed back and forth. Since scoring required planting the ball on the pool ledge, this became risky because the dog would come rushing in. Eventually, the dog caught the ball and punctured it, ending the game.
- One of my students' moms came with us, and we teachers and she had a wonderful time over dinner talking fantasy movies and books.
- We stayed at Fontana for the night. My students brought a PS2 and an XBox, so most of the night was spent shooting at zombies (House of the Dead 1 & 2), or at each other (Halo 2). We teachers and the mom also got our shots in. Killing an endless stream of dead things does wonders to relieve stress.
- The morning was spent mostly asleep, as a good number of the boys didn't do so during the night.
- For lunch, we went back to the club house, and after lunch, the class president called everybody over to the poolside for a closure activity. We sat in a circle (teachers included) and each person in the circle was asked to say something about the class. It was pretty mundane until we got to the class officers, who had prepared for the activity. It was really poignant when it got to the president, who broke down while he was speaking. The teachers also got to say a few words, and, as moderator, I had the last say, and it was hard, because I had a tough act to follow. I can't remember what I said, but, to end it, I sang the refrain from the Gary Granada song, "Thank You Once Again":
Thank you for playing my music
Thank you for singing my song
Thank you for sharing a moment
Cause with you I feel I really belong
Thank you for keeping me company
Thank you for being a friend
And if our paths should cross
Somewhere, somewhen
I'd love to sing this song again.
After the closure activity, we had a bit of merienda, and then we went back home to Manila.
I really liked my moderating class this year.
My moderating class ended the year by going out on an overnight trip to Angeles, Pampanga, courtesy of the class president. I, along with three of my co-teachers, joined them, in a final get-together before the school year ends. It would be an ending of sorts, because the first year regular classes are broken up and new sections reformed for the next school year.
Vignettes from the outing:
- We had a bit of traveling to do, because there was apparently a mix-up regarding the accomodations, but we decided to go to the club house of a subdivision my class president's family owns. We spent the afternoon and evening swimming, playing basketball, football and billiards.
- While we were swimming, some of the boys got hold of a football (American) and began to play a rough version of American football in the pool. After a little while, a big black dog (think Sirius Black) came along and became enamored of the ball, and kept on chasing it as the ball was tossed back and forth. Since scoring required planting the ball on the pool ledge, this became risky because the dog would come rushing in. Eventually, the dog caught the ball and punctured it, ending the game.
- One of my students' moms came with us, and we teachers and she had a wonderful time over dinner talking fantasy movies and books.
- We stayed at Fontana for the night. My students brought a PS2 and an XBox, so most of the night was spent shooting at zombies (House of the Dead 1 & 2), or at each other (Halo 2). We teachers and the mom also got our shots in. Killing an endless stream of dead things does wonders to relieve stress.
- The morning was spent mostly asleep, as a good number of the boys didn't do so during the night.
- For lunch, we went back to the club house, and after lunch, the class president called everybody over to the poolside for a closure activity. We sat in a circle (teachers included) and each person in the circle was asked to say something about the class. It was pretty mundane until we got to the class officers, who had prepared for the activity. It was really poignant when it got to the president, who broke down while he was speaking. The teachers also got to say a few words, and, as moderator, I had the last say, and it was hard, because I had a tough act to follow. I can't remember what I said, but, to end it, I sang the refrain from the Gary Granada song, "Thank You Once Again":
Thank you for playing my music
Thank you for singing my song
Thank you for sharing a moment
Cause with you I feel I really belong
Thank you for keeping me company
Thank you for being a friend
And if our paths should cross
Somewhere, somewhen
I'd love to sing this song again.
After the closure activity, we had a bit of merienda, and then we went back home to Manila.
I really liked my moderating class this year.
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
English Test
T had this test link on her blog, so I tried it out.
Here's how I did:
English Genius
You scored 100% Beginner, 100% Intermediate, 100% Advanced, and 88% Expert!
You did so extremely well, even I can't find a word to describe your excellence! You have the uncommon intelligence necessary to understand things that most people don't. You have an extensive vocabulary, and you're not afraid to use it properly! Way to go!
I wonder which numbers I got wrong. Ah well.
Here's how I did:
English Genius
You scored 100% Beginner, 100% Intermediate, 100% Advanced, and 88% Expert!
You did so extremely well, even I can't find a word to describe your excellence! You have the uncommon intelligence necessary to understand things that most people don't. You have an extensive vocabulary, and you're not afraid to use it properly! Way to go!
I wonder which numbers I got wrong. Ah well.
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